Recalibrate

A very good friend of mine used this term in a recent conversation.  It resonated with me quite a bit.  Yes, it’s the new year so it may seem like this word is an obvious word to ponder over at this time.  And December and January have been pretty rough for me with Noah’s birthday, death anniversary, the holidays and my birthday in between.  I’m now making my way through the other side of this challenging season and recalibrating is perhaps one aspect of moving to the other side of it.

But when this friend introduced “recalibrate” into our discussion, not only did I relate a lot to this word but I also realized I’ve been constantly recalibrating ever since learning about Noah’s diagnosis.  Then when MLH and I lost Noah,  I feel like I’ve been recalibrating in overdrive (consciously and subconsciously).

I feel as though I’ve been recalibrating almost every aspect of my life:

  • Goals, values & priorities:  What was important to me before Noah came into my life doesn’t cleanly match up to what’s important to me now.
  • Personal & professional successes:  My definitions of both successes have changed quite a bit and they continue to be tweaked.  Professionally I think I’m focusing more on building something. Perhaps it’s a way of helping to create a legacy for Noah.  Personally I think I’ve already shared some of this.
  • Relationships:  I’m very thankful for the deep and amazing relationships I do have.  As many in the world already know, one does learn who her authentic friends and supporters really are during the hard times.  In fact, grief counselors and other bereaved parents have advised that a parent’s rolodex will change and most likely shrink after losing a child.  And while I’m very sad and disappointed about these broken relationships, I am also very grateful for the ones I still have and the new ones that Noah introduced into my life.
  • Time: To this day I still don’t have a decent grasp of time.  I’ve actually missed appointments because of this.  (Before Noah, I can confidently claim I NEVER did this; I was always well aware of the clock and calendar.)  I cannot relate to the saying, “time flies.”  There are moments when this innocent, off-the-cuff comment triggers some sad emotions.  Also I find I have to pause and think about dates or even look at a calendar to give me accurate context.
  • Wellness & fitness:  Probably the most obvious area that’s being recalibrated almost all of the time.  Given the focus of this blog, I don’t think I need to elaborate.

I think what I’ve been doing is recalibrating to find my new normal.  But I guess even when — or IF? – I do find this, I’ll probably continue to recalibrate on a regular basis, maybe just not as frequently.  Perhaps everyone should recalibrate every so often since life doesn’t stand still and circumstances – good and bad – change.

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